Cursor by www.Soup-Faerie.Com DEAR BLACK GOODBYE,
DEAR BLACK GOODBYE, [entries|friends|calendar]
♥ east coast glam ♥

[ website | my space. get your own. but click mine anyway. ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

school's out for the summer. [ Wednesday♥;
06·08·05 at 2:10pm]
[ mood | okay ]

sUmMeR O5

Okay so it's the first official day of summer vacation. Let's look up the definition of the word "summer", shall we?
  1. The usually warmest season of the year, occurring between spring and autumn and constituting June, July, and August in the Northern Hemisphere, or, as calculated astronomically, extending from the summer solstice to the autumnal equinox.
  2. A period of fruition, fulfillment, happiness, or beauty.

So according to Mr. Dictionary, summer is a time for happiness. Well I know we still have two months and sixteen days of summer left, but as of now my summer is filled with little happiness. I can't wait to start over in high school with new friends.

Love Marlee


[ 4 bought a second chance ] [ go, baby, go]

fuck that. [ Tuesday♥;
05·24·05 at 8:12pm]
[ mood | numb ]

You know, I take back anything good I have ever said about my "friends". I thought they had my back and I knew that I had theirs. But little did I realize that while my back was turned, they were criticizing me. For stupid shit. And then... one stupid fucking bitch turned them all against me. Even Laura. Honestly, I already miss her. But I guess it's worth all of this right... throughout all of the notes I get, and the nasty IMs, and the stares, and the comments... so I can be stronger. I don't need them.

Yesterday I got a little note from a "secret admirer" telling me how beautiful I was with this hideous drawing of me above it. It then said "there's more where this came from if you go to the social with me." Way to knock off of Napoleon Dynamite. Anyway, people kept coming up to me and asking me about it. It's like they all knew about the letter before I did. And I know what your thinking. Either a) it's just a fucking letter. Get over it. or b) haha bitch that note was hilarious. But it wasn't even the note that made me upset. It was when I turned my head to see all of my so-called friends laughing behind me, pointing and staring at me. Look at this fucking I.M.

kisses4u102204 (7:03:15 PM): hey

Auto response from summer weakness (7:03:15 PM): is this what you wanted?
well its what you got.
youve got me where im choking on my own spit because i cant get the words out. im gasping for air...what little there is.
and my hairs sticking to my cheeks like fucking hair spray. i dont even style my hair.
you took all my dignity; i have nothing left. not that i had much to start with.
so is that what you wanted?
because thats what you got.

kisses4u102204 (7:06:14 PM): yeah i did get what i wanted which is everything u used to have but no one likes u now so ur screwed!! 
kisses4u102204 signed off at 7:51:28 PM.

Who in the fucking world has a heart so small? Well I hate you too, Annalise. And I hope the world knows that you are the real bitch, not me. Especially since I didn't do shit to you. I have so much against you dear and not ONCE have you ever seen me tell someone. I'm not that low. Oh but you are. Every chance you get- just for the attention. You'll tell anybody that will listen. And maybe that's why everyone likes you. Because you're so fucking "free-spirited" and you just don't care. Well, that's a given. And telling me to burn in hell - hot damn is that free spirit or what!

And for Laura. I always thought of you as the sweetest girl ever. Of course you had your little problem with lying, but I didn't care. You were still my best friend. I loved you to death and I think I still do. But you disappointed me greatly when you acted like that. Sure you can be immature, but you are going way too far. On the phone, you even admitted that I didn't do anything to you. So what is it Laura... am I not good enough for you now? Now that you have Annalise there for you? Well guess what hun. She talks about you, too. Fuck, everybody does! That seems to be what we do best. Well in the past month I actually kept my promise not to talk about people and I was so proud of myself. But it wasn't even worth it because for every nice thing I said for someone, there was something mean being said about me. So go ahead Laura. Never talk to me again. It'll still be you that feels guilty in the end. I miss you.

And thank you for all my friends that are actually here for me and realize how stupid people have gotten.


[ 32 bought a second chance ] [ go, baby, go]

A long time ago, we used to be friends. [ Saturday♥;
05·21·05 at 12:44pm]
[ mood | argh me matey. ]

Maybe it's just me... or maybe something weird is really happening. And believe me, I hope it's just me. One by one my group of friends is falling apart. Some of them are just friends and others were my best friends. I don't think it;s necessary to not say their names since they know exactly what I'm talking about and decide to deny it anyway.

Annalise. The "new girl" who came to our school in late October and just happened to ride my bus. I didn't know from the beginning that she would become one of my best friends but sure enough, she did. She first started hanging out with people that are a little... weird per se. I befriended her (as did Lucy --> who already knew her) and we asked her to sit with us at lunch. We all became really tight. Especially Annalise, Me, Laura, and Baylee. Now everyone at Carmel knows about the damned social. Well we all had this thing that we were going to do - go out to dinner before the dance and arrive at the social together and then after the dance, all hang out at a party or something. Well she got invited to someone else's party and since then, she hasn't been acting the same. I still love her, but I miss the old Annalise. Instead of sitting with us at lunch and talking, she runs outside with her new best friends. She rarely calls me anymore when she used to call me so much that I was at the point of actually being annoyed. I would so much rather have it the way it used to be.

Laura. She's been my best friend for almost a year although we've known eachother for about two years. In the beginning of our friendship, we had no fights... nothing but good times. As our group got bigger, we drifted apart for a while but nevertheless became inseperable after that. She had a little lying problem which Baylee and I helped her with and that definetely strengthened our relationship. We were together almost every weekend and talked a ton during school. Then when Annalise switched to the other group, Laura told me how much she missed the old Annalise and how bad she wanted her to come back to us. She said she was sorry for ever acting like she was forgetting about me and some other girls in the group and said she would never do that. Then she did pretty much exactly what Annalise did. Except supposedly the people in that group don't like her according to some sources of mine but this isn't a page I'm using to start drama, so whatever - don't take this the wrong way... I have plenty of people that hate me too. Now we don't talk as much, she can never do anything when I ask, and I feel so... lonely? Yeah, I guess I could use that word.

And this is in no offense whatsoever to the girls that Annalise hangs out with. I love you all and you guys are great, too.


[ 5 bought a second chance ] [ go, baby, go]

google it, bitches. [ Friday♥;
05·13·05 at 6:22pm]

clickey.Collapse )

[ 6 bought a second chance ] [ go, baby, go]

My "world view". [ Wednesday♥;
05·04·05 at 8:58pm]
[ mood | pissed. ]

I just got back from the usual Wednesday night church. The topic was pretty much based on world views and how God sees certain people. I didn`t completely agree with what my youth minister was saying, and now I`m pretty confused...

Click here.Collapse )

P.S. I need a nickname. ANYTHING. I don`t care if it`s stupid or is completely random. Ideas? Comment.

♥ Marlee

[ 2 bought a second chance ] [ go, baby, go]

What it is ho. [ Tuesday♥;
05·03·05 at 4:22pm]
[ mood | content ]

I'm thinking about my livejournal undergoing a massive makeover. I`ve had this layout for a few months and I`ve definetely changed since then. What to do, what to do.

Anyways, this past weekend, I went to Myrtle Beach with Laura, Kaleigh, Elizabeth, my mom, and her friend Beth. We had a great time even though we didn`t get to go in the water due to it being too cold. We did spend a lot of our time on Ocean Boulevard though.

The ride down to the beach house was long and entertaining. All five of us piled into my mom's Altima for a four hour roadtrip. We sang tons of songs, gave the bird to these annoying little bitches in a church van beside of us, serenaded some old Colombian men and Mexican men with our lovely singing to "Build Me Up Buttercup", and about ruined the bottom of our car. Kaleigh was pulling out of one of the gas stations we`d stopped at and didn`t seem to notice a huge ditch to the right of the road. All of a sudden, we felt the whole right side of the car dip down and heard a loud grinding noise that didn`t sound too good. It was hilarious, but my mom was so pissed. Needless to say, my mom drove the rest of the way down to the beach. When we got there [which took a while since we couldn't find the road our house was on], Laura and I made sure to get the best room, which we did. All the four girls decided to go on a late night walk down to the beach. The beach was deserted when we were down there [midnight-ish] so we wandered down the other part of Ocean Boulevard. We were attacked with drunken comments from fat guys on balconies, and asked to come to a room in one hotel by a few kids around 10 years old. For the hell of it, we all ran to the hotel and went to the room number they gave us, which was NOT their room. So we all piled back into the elevator to see the boys running out saying, "Sorry! It was his idea, it was just a joke." It was hysterical. On our way back, there were two old men that had just gotten home and the car door had just slammed shut. We were a little paranoid so we just walked faster. Then he actually yelled, "What do you little ladies think you`re doing? Where do you think you`re going? Get back here." Holy shit did we ever run. Damn hicks.

Second day I think we went down to the strip and hung out there. We bought some tongue rings and a few belly button rings. We also about got this jackass dude fired, but we won`t go there. No hotties. That night, we went out to Dick`s for dinner. It was really fun, our waiter was hilarious and we were sitting next to a few hot guys. My condom hat said "FUTURE STRIPPER" on it, Laura`s said "SMUGGLING RAISINS", Kaleigh's read, "I HAVE FART STAINS ON MY UNDERWEAR" and Elizabeth's said, "MY HAIR DRESSER IS ON CRACK". Woo-wee that was funny. I rape sheep... baa baa. Haha, that was great. Then we messed around Barefoot Landing for a bit.

The next day, I won at miniature golf at Mt. Atlanticus and we stayed on Ocean Boulevard till midnight. We got a few hot guys, but didn`t hook up or anything. Oh yes! There was this one man... late twenties maybe... that decided to try to get us to do shit with him. So as me and Laura waited for the walking light thing to turn to that little guy, the man walked up behind us, his hand |this close| to our asses and said, "How old are you ladies?" I told him we weren`t anywhere near his age and we walked off. Sick fuck. So we walked down the boulevard quite a way until we found out we were being recorded by these drunk college guys on one of the cheap-ass motel`s balconies. I gave him the finger and we decided to walk to beach back to where we were.

So & so, yadda yadda...

I'll write later,
Marlee darling

[ 2 bought a second chance ] [ go, baby, go]

[ Saturday♥;
04·23·05 at 3:42pm]
[ mood | chill. ]

Yeah so I haven`t updated in forever. Hopefully I`ll be getting back into the swing of things and being a whore at this like I used to. Well, for starters I`m 14 now. And I`ve changed tremendously since my last entry [in my opinion]. Last Sunday, my mom took Laura & I out to Central Avenue where I got my lovely tongue pierced ; yay me. It hurt like hell for the first few days but I love it now. It didn`t hurt at all when I got it done, but my tongue had like a seizure!

So a little before that, I took Annalise & Laura to a karate class [free 120 day trial, baby] and my sister took Elizabeth. So before class I had a chance to listen to Elizabeth`s awesome music that now I am in love with. Synthpop kicks ass.  My playlist on my computer has like, completely changed haha. But yes, I am much quirkier now and more colorful I guess you could say. Go me! Now I understand what kandee is ; and I love it. It`s so fun to make and sort of expensive, but it`s completely and totally adorable. I don`t even care what people think about me anymore, if they want to think I`m a poser trying to fit in, they should think again because I don`t know anybody else except Elizabeth that listens to synthpop and wears kandee. Oh well- doesn`t matter.

I heard this one song the other day by The Birthday Massacre and I am in love with it. It sort of scared me the first time I heard it but I can`t get it out of my head. You should listen to it... it`s called "Blue". Even if it says its 55:43, it only plays once on your playlist.

But I have to go and get ready for the movies and a party. Much love ; comment & I'll love you more.


[ 10 bought a second chance ] [ go, baby, go]

my own anniversary [ Tuesday♥;
04·05·05 at 11:29pm]
so today is the 2nd year anniversary of me and lauren and kellie's five-finger-discount. and my stepmom and dad's wedding. blah.
[ 10 bought a second chance ] [ go, baby, go]

04·03·05 at 11:52am]
[ mood | bouncy ]


[ 10 bought a second chance ] [ go, baby, go]

Tomorrow's my birthday. [ Saturday♥;
04·02·05 at 3:09pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

The big 1-4. And guess what? All 3 of my best friends are mad at me. For the stupidest shit. May I vent? Kthx. I was going to anyway. So yesterday we went to the mall (we being myself, Laura, Annalise, Baylee, Lucy, and Cody) for a little bit. We never officially had a ride home so I called my mom to take us all back to my house for a while. Laura, Annalise, and Baylee were supposed to sleep over at my house but my mom got fed up because they were being so loud. They couldn't spend the night anymore and I had to tell them that only Laura could. Still, they were jumping on the bed, jumping off the bed, running into my bedroom walls, spilling drinks on the floor, throwing Pop-tarts around my room, screaming, and yelling. It's like my friends have no respect for my house. I felt like I was the only one that was listening to what I was saying. Then, when it was time for all of them to leave except Laura, they left everything a mess and left. Oh yeah, and Laura went with them. An hour or so later I get a stupid prank phone call from a number they forgot to block doing some stupid stuff they did the other night. I could hear them in the background. I'm not dumb, I would bet every dollar I had that the topic of the night was me. And I couldn't accept that so I tried to figure out what I did. But all I could get out of it was that I was mature and acted my age and they were more immature and lived to play. They even said I acted like I was 54 years old. I guess I shouldn't of said back that it's better than acting like a toddler, which really only refers to Laura but that's okay. It sucks because they are all sort of.. slow? I mean, who in the world would think that McClintock was a state? Or that the little metal vent in the front of Southpark Mall was a turtle? When I try to tell them that they're wrong they get so defensive about it so of course I'm going to say something back. Whatever, I have nothing else to say. If you do, please comment. My birthday is tomorrow and I feel betrayed.

♥ Marlee.

[ 4 bought a second chance ] [ go, baby, go]

[ Monday♥;
03·21·05 at 4:38pm]
yeah so i havent updated. i dont feel like it. ill update when something actually happens.
[ 7 bought a second chance ] [ go, baby, go]

I fall to pieces now... [ Thursday♥;
03·10·05 at 10:15pm]
[ mood | listless ]

        So somebody asked me today why I don't try to look my best at school. I didn't know what to say right then so I sort of shrugged it off and walked away. But now that I think about it, I have the answer for you. I don't think I should have to try to get people's fucking attention by making myself up if they've already prejudged me anyway. I'm not saying that I haven't but I have gotten a lot better about it and I like to get to know people before actually assuming that they're a bitch. Oh well, that obviously doesn't always work. I mean, Wednesday at youth group, our youth minister asked us to raise our hands if we act the same way at home, school, and church. I proudly raised my hand. When I got home, I even asked my mom and she agreed that I do. So why can't everybody else just act the way they would if they were in front of somebody they cared for? Because honestly, I think it's fucked up how many different personalities people have today. I don't care that my friends don't like the music I listen to. It isn't about to make me fucking pretend to love rap or country. That's not my thing. So all of you that think it's cool to act all nice to me one place and like a jerk in others, take your head out of your fucking ass and grow up. I guess you can find it funny if you have a sense of....sick humor? Either way, fuck that. Be yourself. ALL THE TIME. I'm tired of that crap.

[ 22 bought a second chance ] [ go, baby, go]

For now... [ Thursday♥;
03·10·05 at 12:04am]
[ mood | relaxed ]

I just have to post these lyrics. This is the best song ever.

The Used - Blue and Yellow
And it's all in how you mix the two
And it starts just where the light exists
It's a feeling that you cannot miss
And it burns a hole
Through everyone that feels it

Well you're never gonna find it
If you're looking for it
Won't come your way yeah
Well you'll never find it
If you're looking for it

Should've done something
But I've done it enough
By the way your hands were shaking
Rather waste some time with you

And you never would have thought in the end
How amazing it feels just to live again
It's a feeling that you cannot miss
It burns a hole through everyone that feels it

Should've said something
But I've said it enough
By the way my words were faded
Rather waste some time with you

Should've done something
But I've done it enough
By the way your hands were shaking
Rather waste my time with you

Should've said something
But I've said it enough
By the way my words were faded
Rather waste my time with you

Which is closely followed by

The Used - On My Own
See all these people on the ground
Wasting time
I try to hold it all inside
But just for tonight
The top of the world
Sitting here wishing
The things I've become
That something is missing
Maybe I...
But what do I know

And now it seems that I have found
Nothing at all
I want to hear your voice out loud
Slow it down slow it down

Without it all
I'm choking on nothing
It's clear in my head
And I'm screaming for something
Knowing nothing is better than knowing it all

On My Own

That's it for tonight, people. Sorry. Oh and by the way I have to ask... what's that little feeling where your stomach keeps flipping and you can't control it? Well, I feel like that.

[ 3 bought a second chance ] [ go, baby, go]

I love the used [ Monday♥;
03·07·05 at 10:03pm]
[ mood | sick & tired ]

As of this moment, I realize I really do feel sick. My mom told me earlier (I was feeling "okay") to stick to Sprite because Dr. Pepper had caramel in it. Oh well, I went with my craving and here I am- feeling disgusting. I haven't had a real update in a while and I need to so I'll try my best.

Nothing happened this weekend... I was kind of lying around the house- my room. Okay, long post...psh. I don't feel good. I'll write tomorrow hopefully.

Leave me feel better loving!
♥ Marlee

[ 5 bought a second chance ] [ go, baby, go]

[ Sunday♥;
03·06·05 at 11:40pm]
emolicious, are we?Collapse )
[ 4 bought a second chance ] [ go, baby, go]

thats all that matters pretty pretty [ Friday♥;
03·04·05 at 9:44pm]

okay so ive been kinda lazy and not posting. sorry. and theres still not much to say. ill post when something happens.



yeah right.

[ 5 bought a second chance ] [ go, baby, go]

Promotion [ Monday♥;
02·28·05 at 9:43pm]
awesomeness community.Collapse )

speechless. [ Sunday♥;
02·27·05 at 3:19pm]

i don't even know what to say right now. this is not a friends only entry either because i want people to see this. the saddest part is that i dont think i can be a vegetarian, even after watching the WHOLE video.

click for the slaughterhouse.

[ 15 bought a second chance ] [ go, baby, go]

friends make everything better. [ Friday♥;
02·25·05 at 5:47pm]
[ mood | silly ]

today i brought the digital camera for the fun of it and took it out to open lunch and we had fun...

friends are forever.Collapse )

did i mention that last night the OC made me cry? it was sooooo good. + seth and summer get back together spiderman style. touching <3 i wanna do that.

comment ♥ please

[ 8 bought a second chance ] [ go, baby, go]

read-only mode sucks. [ Thursday♥;
02·24·05 at 9:18pm]
i'm not locking this entry because honestly i want everyone to read this that feels like it. you want to know how i feel right now? vindicatedCollapse ) if you haven't looked in my profile, i'll go ahead and tell you what it said. "you can't tell your heart what to feel but you sure as hell can feel what your heart is trying to tell you." yeah, tell me about it. lately, my feelings have been strange- and for the people i would of least expected me to have any feelings for AT ALL. i dont know whats going on, but im going to sleep. or something resourceful like that.
[ 2 bought a second chance ] [ go, baby, go]

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]